reading my own blog makes me sick! but... neways... things r fine now i guess... is it just me... or is it emank umur2 g sgini ini emank lagi just.. confused bout things? sumthin like nyari jati diri gt maybe? tp yah... g skg2 ini... bener2 ga tau sbenernya g tuh orgnya gimana sih... i really2 dont know a thing about myself anymore lately... n i feel like such a misfit everywhere... so i have to keep on putting a mask... but somedays... i just don't feel like putting on my mask n face the world (which happens ALOT lately).

i really think i should stop trying so hard to please everybody n be perfect to everybody... but really.. its hard to stop. even though i keep on failing to do so anyway.

i dont even know who i can talk to about everything dats on my mind... its gotten that bad. i don't know exactly since when... that all this started... i just... kinda stopped believing in ppl... n dat makes me more n more closed to everybody... i dont think there's any1 who really knows what im thinking n what im about anymore... i should stop trying to be so perfect... cuz obviously im not... nobody is.

i guess... i really want to please my parents... since i came back to indo... im really changed. totally. n its really2 tiring... cuz i cant fake it... n trying so hard to be what my parents would want me to be like... really sucks the life out of me... it shattered my own personality... my sense of self... everything that im about... its just lost... sumwhere i dont know... i myself dont even know what im about anymore... apalagi anyone else...

i guess im not entitled to having a relationship with anyone... not when im still like this...

well..actually...its not like i didnt realise this... its just dat i keep on denying it... cuz... every now n then i'll fell in like with somebody.... n suddenly "d heart wants what it wants" rule gets in my head.

gosh i should stop letting my emotions n feelings get in my head.... this is bad... everything was bad...

"hari kan silih berganti... kadank datank kadank pergi... biarlah luka mimpimu berlalu... wahai bunga di hati... sudilah bersemi lagi..."
- andien -

lesson learnt: im imperfect, n i should be proud of it, cuz i am me... n nobody else is ever gonna be like me. love me, hate me, be indifferent to me... im still me anyway. so i should stop trying so hard to be what im not. n just be myself. far from perfect... but still lovable anyway...^^v