*~ entanglement of its own kind ~*

all of a sudden out of nowhere, as i was browsing through my fs, "it" suddenly hit me. "it" appeared out of the blue n had always caught me off guard... why... why now? when i thought i had it all now... i couldn't be happier at this moment in my life... though it has its flaws... but these past few months i've been nothing but grateful to God for finally ending my search. Yes..my search was over... or so i thought... n i still do... up till this very moment.... even as i'm having "it"... I don't understand... i often thought... is there anything wrong with me? what is it am i searching for? just when i thought i had it all figured out.... "it" broke me down again n again n again. darling there ain't no other man that can compare to u.. that's the way it'd always been since day 1... probably even way before that.... so why... why do i feel like im caught in my own menagerie... entangled in my own wishes... condemned in my intimate contentment..

what was thought as dallying with the concept of possible "x" disorder that might have inhibited itself, uninvited, in me..... now seemed so.... much less silly... as it seem more n more apparent... while pondering heavily on the thought.

emancipation . liberation . redemption .

oh how i long to be free... free to do whatever i want whenever i want whichever way i want it

can't i be a good person n be free too?