don't I deserve happiness?
don't I deserve to be heard?
don't I deserve a happy ending?
don't I deserve at least 1 blissful relationship in my life?

we used to be able to listen to each other..
we used to not fight about every little thing..

u used to never judge me n take me for granted..
so what's changed?

I thought people will be even more in love when they get to the next step...
but here I am writing about how things change when we've gotten more serious...

what's changed?

I've loved u even more... but the more I love him... the more I get hurt...
Why is it that every little thing that his family says will always be a subject for him to be suddenly dissatisfied with me...
I for certain didn't let any of that get in the way...

Is it so wrong to expect him to put me first?

Is this the fate of every girl out there who loves her man?
Why does it seem like the more I love him and need him... the more he seems to get sick of me...

I thought he's different...
Have I thought wrong?
My faith in him is.... I don't know...

I'm just so.....tired.....of trying to make him see what's bothering me...
How can I tell him when everything I said is always taken wrongly?
I said 1 thing n he takes it wrongly... n not only that, get pissed at me
I mean really... how am I supposed to discuss or talk things through with someone who flat out refused to listen to and understand me?
He used to think the best of me... He always think positive things about me... n now... its like everything I do is always so negative in his eyes...

I don't want a man who's sick of me... whether he realized or didn't realize it...

I loved him so... but he hurts me so too...
Is this my karma?

so disappointed..

ppl can be so disappointing.. is it just me or is it as u grow older there are more n more ppl who r just out to use u someway somehow?

.... Listen ....

Listen to the song here in my heart
a melody I start but can't complete

Listen to the sound from deep within
Its only beginning to find release

Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own, all 'cause you won't listen

[chorus]
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside
Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out
And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turned
Into your own
All 'cause you won't listen

[chorus]
Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

I don't know where I belong
But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart
A melody I start, but I will complete

Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own

:: I Love U ::

i love ... i love ...
you ... you ...


kukira ku takkan jatuh cinta lagi
ternyata kusalah saat bertemu denganmu


waktu kau bicara hatikupun bicara
mengapa kau buat ku jadi mati gaya


*
mendekat salah
menjauh salah
bicara salah
mengapa semua jadi serba salah


ref
sungguh mati ku jadi
jatuh cinta padamu
sungguh ku menyukai
semua yang ada pada dirimu


apa kau rasakan
hal yang sama denganku
takkan kutolak
bila kau ingin denganku


back to *


back to ref


i love ... i love ...
i love ... i love ...
you ... you ...


i love ... i love ...
i love ... i love ...


you ... you ...


aaa.....


a ..a ..a ..a..


[i think I am falling in love with you]


back to ref [2x]


i love ... i love ...
i love ... i love ...
you ... you ...


i love ... i love ...
i love ... i love ...
you ... you ...


i love ... i love ...
i love ... i love ...
you ... you ...


i love ... i love ...
i love ... i love ...
you ... you ...


ada pada dirimu

p.s.: I luv U....

When I first saw u..
I already knew..
There was sumthin inside of u..
Sumthin I thought that I would never find..
Angel of mine..

I look at u lookin at me..
Now I know why they say the best things are free..
How you changed my world you'll never know..
I'm different now, you helped me grow..
You came into my life sent from above..
When I lost all hope you showed me love..

Nothing means more to me than what we share..
No one in this whole world can ever compare..
What you mean to me you'll never know..
Deep inside I need to show..
You came into my life sent from above..
When I lost all hope, you showed me love..

I never knew I could feel each moment
As if it were new..,
Every breath that I take.., the love that we make..
I only share it with you..


"..can't smile without u.. can't smile without u.. no i can't laugh.. n i can't smile.. living without.. u by my side.."

~*~~*~~~*~~~~*~~~~~*~~~~*~~~*~~*~*~~*~~~*~~~~*~~~~~*

hot n bothered

what is this pain im feeling...?
why do tears keep streaming down...?
have he really changed...?
i wonder where is the old him who soothes me when im sad n crying...
he who believes in me... trusts me... open to me about anything...
what is it that he don't understand... that when i criticize him it's not meant to attack him...
how can i make him understand that he's not the only one trying to make us work...
why do i feel like the more i give in n change for him n leave my selfish ways, the more he seems to push his way with me...?
i feel so scared... i kept thinking... if this much have changed in just 6 months... then what will come next?
will the love of my life turn into everything that i feared...?
he don't even say he miss me back...or that he loves me...
am i just in his way now...
how can i tell him n make him understand everything that i'm feeling when he gets offended with every little thing i say...?
no, i don't want him to not criticize me when i'm wrong...i just don't want him to diss my efforts n use his expectations of me to put me down just like that... i thought he understood me... he used to understand me... what have i done wrong...?
it all just reminds me too much of my mum n dad...
why can't they just understand that what i do is because i love them... that its with good intentions... that its to prevent bad things from happening as much as i can... why do they look at me as if i'm an enemy trying to harm them n get offended...?
should i just bullshit them with sweet talks n suddenly crush them like any other ppl?
why when i do things while thinking of them, they don't appreciate me?
n instead... when other ppl just be selfish n do things only for their benefits they go along happpily?
where is the sense in that?
they say silence is golden... but nowadays... i guess silence just gets u into trouble n accusations...
tell me sayank... have i thought wrong... cuz i so wish i'm wrong... so please do correct me if i've made mistakes in my analysis n way of thinking about this...

thoughts n such

I thought he trusts me...
I thought he knew me better than that...
I thought he knew what I feel so deeply for him...
I thought he won't change no matter what...
I thought he won't let anything come between us...

Have I thought wrong..?
Is it all just my imagination n my wishful thinking..?
Are we after all just the same as the others..?

Is it all because of me..
Is it just me.. or has the way he look at me had changed...?
I guess I'm nothing special after all...
Who am I to have thought n hoped for otherwise...