..:: lone state of mind ::..

I'm a frikkin loner nowadays. I sleep, eat, watch tv, sleep, go online, EVERYDAY! ARGHHH!!!! I even started listening to that akon song n singing in my head, lonely....I'm miss lonely... I have nobody... for my own... oohh... I'm so lonely...
>.< I feel like I'm going mad n what with all d ppl asking me why I only stay at home, don't I feel bored n go crazy blah blah blah. Talk about insensitive. Nobody wants to be lonely. It's bad enough that I'm homesick, missing my bf & loved ones but I can't go back as of yet. I don't need ppl askin me stupid questions that everyone obviously already have the answers to. I hate, hate, hate, HATE IT when ppl ask me about my uni everytime they talk to me or about me stayin at home. It pisses me off urgh! I think I'm gonna call home n tell them i wanna go back home aja deh. I can no longer stand it here doin nothing aghhhh!!!!!! I would've probably gone crazy by now if I don't have my coepoe accompanying me as much as he can hixx thxxx heapz ayank muach muach... loph ayank.... ^*^ ^^;

.:.:: Heaven ::.:.

Seperti warna pelangi
Bersinar dari kedua bola matamu..oh
Bagaikan cahaya mentari
Kau hangatkan duniaku..kau untukku..oh


Jika memang adanya Aku dan kamu Kita bahagia..oh
Jadikanlah cerita kita berdua untuk slamanya..oh


Bagai surga duniawi
Kurasakan hidup ini bersamamu
Tak ku menghitung hari
Sejak engkau disini
Aku memang untukmu..oh


(You..sent from heaven)
(Heaven feels like u)
Feels like heaven girl(or in this case..boy:P) when I’m with u
Loving u..i’m in love with u
You’re an angel sent from heaven..for me


Jadikan dunia ini surga duniawi
Milik kita berdua slalu abadi


.:.:: Heaven ::.:.


ps: for my hunny bun2 hiehiehie

*~ entanglement of its own kind ~*

all of a sudden out of nowhere, as i was browsing through my fs, "it" suddenly hit me. "it" appeared out of the blue n had always caught me off guard... why... why now? when i thought i had it all now... i couldn't be happier at this moment in my life... though it has its flaws... but these past few months i've been nothing but grateful to God for finally ending my search. Yes..my search was over... or so i thought... n i still do... up till this very moment.... even as i'm having "it"... I don't understand... i often thought... is there anything wrong with me? what is it am i searching for? just when i thought i had it all figured out.... "it" broke me down again n again n again. darling there ain't no other man that can compare to u.. that's the way it'd always been since day 1... probably even way before that.... so why... why do i feel like im caught in my own menagerie... entangled in my own wishes... condemned in my intimate contentment..

what was thought as dallying with the concept of possible "x" disorder that might have inhibited itself, uninvited, in me..... now seemed so.... much less silly... as it seem more n more apparent... while pondering heavily on the thought.

emancipation . liberation . redemption .

oh how i long to be free... free to do whatever i want whenever i want whichever way i want it

can't i be a good person n be free too?